cactusy: (let the intrusive thoughts win)
Sameen Shaw ([personal profile] cactusy) wrote in [personal profile] computation 2025-01-21 11:40 pm (UTC)

I don't want to be kidding myself.

[She says the words slowly, turning them over in her brain as she speaks them out loud.]

I don't... want to hide from the real world because I hate the idea of facing it. But I don't know what the real world is anymore. I thought I did - sometimes.

[Eventually, in the weeks after Root's death and the days after Samaritan's defeat, she'd come to tenuously accept that she really was back in reality. But even then, she'd wondered sometimes. A part of her was always going to wonder; her brain had been wired to. And now...]

I hate the idea of being a captive, and I hate the idea of my body wasting away in a hospital bed while my brain is hooked up to a computer. I want being here to have a purpose.

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